


fire

by howelllesters



Series: Elements [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012!Phan, Angst, Drabble, Elements, M/M, Phandom Little Pop 2016b, centred around fire - stay safe!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 04:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7830004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howelllesters/pseuds/howelllesters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the elements series; fire. it’s 2012 and everything’s gone up in flames.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fire

He loves Phil. He really does.

But Phil’s fingertips brush against Dan’s arm and he hisses, the sound akin to the sizzle of something burning, because that’s what Dan is. Burning. Phil’s touch is white hot, and the scars he leaves are violent and visible, rips and tears in his very skin that will take too long to heal.

“What?” Dan rasps out, choking on the atmosphere that surrounds them.

They are in the hallway of their flat, and rather than the peace and calm that usually comes with the grey surroundings, everything feels thick and smoky and Dan knows there’s a way to escape this but he can’t remember it right now.

“I just wanted to talk to you,” Phil says softly, and Dan looks up at him, looks at him properly, feels the water of Phil’s eyes douse the fire in his own.

“Well I don’t want to talk to you,” Dan chokes.

And then the water overflows, and tears stream down Phil’s cheeks for the third time this week and it’s only Friday, and Dan just shakes his head because he can’t do this. _He can’t do this._

“No, you’re not walking away again,” Phil cries out, grabbing his arm properly, and Dan yelps at the instant fire that courses through him.

“Why not?” Dan snarls, twisting suddenly and startling Phil, but for once he almost feels cool because Phil’s expression fills his bloodstream with ice.

“I miss you,” Phil says, only it’s more like a cough, a cough that disguises a sob, and Dan’s stomach is churning, and he doesn’t know what to say.

How does he tell Phil that he doesn’t want this anymore? How does he tell Phil that they are completely, irrevocably broken, and in Dan’s mind the only way to get back to where they once were is to rebuild, slowly but surely? How does he tell Phil that he wrote off their relationship long ago, when Phil is still clinging on to it for dear life?

“Why?” Dan laughs bitterly, and for once his reaction is real.

Everything else he says, everything else he does, that is false. Everything in Dan’s life is calculated at the moment to bring them down. And not just a break up. Not just a mutual ending.

He wants to burn them.

He wants to blast their relationship to smithereens, and start over from the very beginning because Dan doesn’t do things by halves, especially not love.

“Because I love you,” Phil blinks, frowning, as if he doesn’t understand the question.

“No you don’t,” Dan says to him, _tells him_ , and he needs him to believe those words because god help him, Dan is running out of willpower.

This is what is best for them, but he can’t share his masterplan, the idea he cooked up one sleepless night when they were in separate beds yet again. Phil would only dismiss it, pretend they could be okay, just fix a few problems here and there, but that’s not true, and they both know it.

They are ruined, and there are only so many times they can bring out the superglue.

And yes maybe Dan is blowing this out of proportion, but maybe that’s the only way he can see sense.

Phil pauses, lost for words at that response, and then shakes his head, his face switching from confusion to despair. He’s looking to Dan for help that he won’t receive.

“What do you want me to say here, Dan?”

“I want you to say you hate me.”

“Why? _Why?_ ”

A phoenix can be reborn from the ashes, Dan idly thinks, and he sure as hell hopes that’s true because ashes are the only thing they have at the moment.

“Because I can’t leave if you don’t.”

Phil really does have no words this time.

And they both know Dan is telling the truth.

Of all the lies he’s ever told, to others and to himself, this is not one of them.

He needs Phil to tell him he doesn’t love him anymore.

He needs to leave.

And Phil doesn’t know if he can let him, despite once promising to always give Dan whatever he could, whatever he needed.

“Don’t leave,” Phil whispers.

Dan’s hand reaches for a door handle, making a split second decision he might later regret.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Dan sighs, letting the door swing open in front of him, and of the many, many doors in this hallway, he hopes this is the right one.

“Dan,” Phil says simply, standing there with one arm held out to him, but Dan leaves it.

He just steps through the doorway and hopes that he’s making the right choice for them. Hopes they fix themselves, so he can fix himself, so he can be happy again, because he loves Phil.

He really does.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Phandom Little Pop 2016b!  
> drabbler: wiinterberries  
> doodler: chocolattea - please give all your love to the INCREDIBLE [artwork!](http://chocolattea.tumblr.com/post/149273599858/because-i-cant-leave-if-you-dont-set-of)  
> beta: talltrees5


End file.
